Why????

so... some of you may wonder why i called my blog swords and orchids.....you are in luck....... the explanation is forthcoming........

yeeeehaaaw....

i was watching a documentary once where a famous actor(that will remain unnamed...) said that you should always have one or two words to appropriately describe you at all times, and when you truely know who you are, the words will become inherently clear. ("it is not knowing ourselves fully that hinders us more than ANY other hurdle"-Robin Williams) I have found it to be resoundingly true. it has taken me quite a long time to figure out my true identity and i feel that i am closer to the goal.

yeeeeehaaaaw.....

all this boils down to my three words... me.... in a nutshell..... swords and orchids... i will explain in depth..

here goes......

when you invision a sword, you may think of many images...
old, traditional, slightly tarnished, heavy handed, plain and simple, - i proudly take on these descriptors.. old feeling after a long day(and slightly more mature than expected for my age at times) traditional in "sirs and ma'ams", in what i look for in a man and how to be treated, embracing tradition as well as modern, slightly tarnished- life does that to us all.... heavy handed i liken to a hot temper.... good old german in me.... plain and simple-need i explain more?????

or you may think of......
modern, badass, versatile, beautiful yet deadly, lightly shrouded in fantasy,-
modern in ideals and thought processes, badass- self explanatory(what can i say, i have scared a few in my day!!!) versatility is one of my most important traits as i see it. lightly shrouded in fantasy????? let me just say that i want a dragon more than ANYTHING....... one day......

the point of the sword is that it can be used to fiercely defend loved ones, AND complete strangers but also used to inflict havoc.........

orchids.....well besides the girlie connection of being a flower and all......
they are beautiful, pickey, require warm weather and lots -o- sunshine. they can sometimes be hard to figure out. they are scary untill you know what to do with them. they take forever to flower but when they do.... they bring rewards so sweet that it justifies all the frustration and hard work that you spent to get them there. they are set in their ways but can be persuaded gently to grow in a general direction. they can't be rushed......

me, in a nutshelll......

i found my words (ironically enough) by looking at our den... Jason's swords are on the wall and my flowers are everywhere. when i originally found the words, i thought that it just explained our relationship very well.. but after careful consideration i believe that they also describe me in a way that i have found no other words to... and i have tried... believe me!!!

untill next time................

My debut

Welcome to the publishing of my personal babble everyone!!!!

haha you folks are in for a treat! maybe not.......

anyways, welcome to me. let me tell ya some about me. the reason that i have decided to try this whole blog thing is a medium to long length story, mildly interesting (scale of one to ten, 7).

here goes.....

where to start, well, i was recently diagnosed with Seasonal Affect (not effect) Disorder. What is this? Basically, when it rains i get really depressed. i know what you are thinking....

THEN WHY DO I LIVE IN ROCHESTER???? (i know i know, i am working on it ok???!!!)

anyways, on with the story..... so i am now on anti- depressent serum via injection ( newer precedure for forgetful people like me....) which is kinda interesting. side effects (not affects) are medium to mild and getting better. but with my family history of mental illness (mother) it has been hard for me to deal with in my brain. i don't want to be like her. actually, most of what i do is to distance myself from anything related to her. i was doing ok for a while but then..... i got looney.. like mother like daughter i guess...

wonderful.......

there are some reasons to go on... jason, bellvie, jen.... you get the picture. so here i am getting shots to keep me level and in doing so have found a fantastic docter!!!! she has been there for me to call day or night. (i like sleep so lucky for her it has only been during the day) and she has recommended that i keep a diary. hmmm... not really my style. my friend fran has a blog and i figured that this might serve as an avenue to talk peoples eyes out without annoying jason (or my docter). so longish story shortish... welcome to my blog.